you are weak, old man

I think that everybody has different weaknesses that, from time to time, they have the opportunity to work on. For much of life we can trod along, ignoring these various weaknesses because we can plot our lives around them. And when it comes to some things, I think that's a good policy. It depends on the weakness of course. If your weakness is punching people in the neck when they upset you, and you just live with it...you're going to run into some trouble. But for the most part you can sort of work around your weaknesses and avoid them.

That's been my experience anyway. It's also been my experience that at various points in my life I am confronted with a certain weakness and it stays in my face for a while. I can do something about it, or I can fall victim to it and let it dictate what happens to me. If I endure that long enough, it will fade into the background again, and that moment where I am actually cognizant of it passes. I suppose I could do something about it even after that point, but it just never enters my mind.

Right now I am confronted with a particular weakness of mine, and I have a desire to deal with it but it's difficult to do so. It may seem stupid, but this weakness is my lack of following up with and contacting people I don't know. This usually has to do with the phone. As a youth pastor and church leader I'm called upon to do things like call people and let them know about different things, to call them and let them know of various opportunities to get involved with things, all that. Some weeks I'm supposed to call more people than others...but for some reason, when I'm presented with a followup card for someone I don't know, it terrifies me to call them. I don't even know what I am specifically afraid of, but it just takes a large act of the will to actually dial the number.

I have a feeling that this is something I need to get rid of and overcome, and I actually feel sort of silly typing it out. I mean, it's calling someone on a stinkin' phone. But it's a weakness of mine, a fear or something. And I want to be rid of it, I want to overcome it, and I'm doing my best to take steps to that end. These steps do of course include prayer and asking God to do something about it in my heart. Because I know it's not just rooted in being shy, but there's also a degree of selfishness involved. I'm more worried about my comfort than I am about these people getting a call hearing that they matter, or inviting them to be a part of something that can change their life. I need to get over it. Just thought I'd share something that's going in my mind and heart right now.

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