Ode to my Wife

I’m occasionally struck by the notion that I am living through a movie scene.  In my particularly self-pitying days of singlehood I imagined I was living through some insipid romance movie where the nice guy has to wade through years of loneliness to find the right woman.  Thank God that’s over. 

It still sometimes occurs to me, however, that a moment in my life could be taken straight from a movie.

This has happened more often since we had children.  It’s less that I feel my life in particular is entertaining enough to watch and more that the circumstances seem so ridiculous as to be almost contrived.  Last night was one of those moments.

Juliette, our five-week old daughter, wakes up frequently during the night.  Some are better than others of course but last night was not a good one.  Janelle and I went to bed around 9:30 and Juliette woke up every 60-90 minutes.  During one feeding Janelle went into the kitchen to start up the dishwasher to wash the bottles.  Around 1:30 Juliette woke up screaming again and Janelle went out to get the bottles out of the dishwasher and prepare one. 

While holding Juliette in the bedroom I heard Janelle say something – I can’t quite remember what it was – but I remember knowing it wasn’t good.  It sounded like she had seen something disgusting, or perhaps she’d hurt herself.  I called out a few times and got no response.  Finally she responded.

“Our dishwasher flooded the kitchen.”

As it turned out, the detergent Janelle purchased last week, which was labeled “Dish Detergent” and was in the same section as the dishwasher detergent was in fact not meant for use in a dishwasher.  As we took turns cleaning the kitchen (including moving the refrigerator so we could get the water under it) Janelle berated herself and said “I even thought it seemed a little runny but I just figured it was because it was cheap.” 

At 1-something in the morning I am more than happy to find fault with others and find a way to blame them for things that inconvenience me.  But try as I might I couldn’t fault Janelle for being foolish with the dish soap – there are hints on the labeling, such as “easy on your hands!” and whatnot but I certainly would have assumed it was detergent for the dishwasher based on its name and its placement in the store – away from all the handwashing dish soap and with the detergent.  In retrospect obviously it was a mistake but it’s completely understandable.

So as I wiggled the fridge out of its spot in the kitchen it occurred to me that this could be a scene from a comedy wherein the couple is simply overwhelmed at life with a new baby and a 3 year-old.  Already not sleeping regularly we have the dishwasher flood the kitchen in the middle of the night.  As I thought more about it I realized how fortunate I am, for two reasons.

First, I am fortunate that the movie would be a comedy rather than a tragedy.  So many parents are faced with awful difficulties with their children.  Illnesses, complications, diseases rare or common, inability to feed the family or pay the bills – these are all problems we are thankfully and by God’s grace not faced with.  Whatever difficulties we do have, Janelle and I try to remind one another that we really are blessed beyond any measure and far beyond anything we could ever deserve.  Which leads me to the second reason I am so fortunate.

I’m fortunate to be able to go through all of this with a woman as awesome as Janelle is.  I use the word “awesome” to describe a lot of things but it is rarely as appropriate as it is when I use it to refer to my wife.  She has not had a good night’s sleep in at least 5 weeks; to be honest probably not since Belle has been born but we may have snuck one in here or there.  Every day (after a night of waking up and taking care of Juliette several times) she takes care of a newborn and a three year-old, she manages the house, plans meals, keeps the place clean, usually has dinner ready for me when I get home, encourages me to work out even though it takes a little extra time, lets me watch football…the list goes on.  She is awesome in a very real sense of the word.

Faced with the situation last night I think many people in Janelle’s situation would have resorted to some kind of something – be it passive-aggressive comments about how I should have done this or that, or just frustrated angry comments about the situation, or just shutting down with exhaustion.  But she did none of that.  Janelle kept her cool and we worked well together getting everything sorted and cleaned up without fighting or arguing or bickering.  As we went back to bed and lay down about 45 minutes after beginning the cleanup, I was struck with how gracefully Janelle had handled the whole situation.  I told her as much but this morning as I think more about it I really am struck by how truly blessed I am to have this woman as my wife. 

It’s sort of a cliche among Christians that men want to find and women want to be a “Proverbs 31 woman” but I really do think I have one in Janelle.  If I made a checklist out of the passage and measured Janelle against it, there would be a check in every box.  She is great with money, organizes our home wonderfully, works hard through trouble and difficulty to make life better for me and our daughters (and others), and more. 

When Janelle and I first started dating I was surprised to find out many of my friends knew her from high school.  When I told them I was with Janelle Cornelio they could not stop talking about how great she was and how lucky I was.  I had no clue how right they were.  I often joke that I view the fact that Janelle married me as proof there is a God.  Truth be told it’s only half of a joke.  Every day Janelle is a living, breathing example of the grace and love God has for me.  I know I don’t deserve her and I am so grateful for every day I get to spend with her.

I have a jorb

Cobwebs around here.  For those wondering why I haven’t been posting lately, it’s because I got a job.  Something I didn’t expect to happen the way it did, but I’m glad it did.

I worked at Ohlone over the summer as a site supervisor for their kids program.  That job ended on a Thursday.  I had an interview for a teaching position in Mountain View that Friday, and on the following Monday they offered me the job, which I began that Tuesday.  From that point on it’s been a whirlwind.

There is a lot I could say about the job but I will simply focus on one thing right now: it is a huge blessing.  I know people through the word “blessing” around a lot but I seriously mean it.  There were 200 applicants to this job, they interviewed 12, and they hired me.  I was just one person on a big list and figured because of that I would not end up with a job.  But somehow I’ve ended up at an exceptional school with very exceptional people.  Every staff member I’ve run into from the district and at the other schools has been awesome.  The teachers at this school are very supportive and helping me out any way they can.  And lastly – this district pays better than any district I’ve heard of and they offer full benefits for the family.  That is unheard of.  Until now, I guess.

The budget crunch in California means teaching jobs are very difficult to come by.  Janelle did not get a job this year.  Because of that, and the fact that we have lots of student loans coming due, I was in the “I know God will provide but I don’t know what the heck that looks like” camp over the summer.  Here I see – this job is such that we can put Janelle’s loans on forebearance and pay all our other bills.  If I’d gotten a job in any other district I don’t think that would have been possible.  I know God has provided for me in all kinds of ways throughout my life.  But this is one of the times when I’ve felt the most like He is providing.  Freakin’ awesome.

Salting Meat

One of my aspirations is to become as good a cook with meat as my Dad is.  His tri-tip is just about the best thing I’ve ever eaten.  (Though those Ollalieberries I had yesterday from my neighbor’s yard are up there too.)  I admire those who can just take a steak, throw it on the grill, and end up with something tasty rather than tough.  The people who seem to produce the best meat are those who are able to do very little to it.  Some of my best results with chicken have been when I just put a bit of salt/pepper and oil on it right before baking it. 

Here’s an article on someone who experimented with salting different kinds of meat at different times.  He invited some friends over and did some blind taste tests.  Apparently this guy found it’s best to salt chicken a day before cooking it, and steak/pork does well if you put some salt on right before searing it.  I’d be interested in any grilling/meat cooking tips you have to offer.

Also, here’s a link to a summer grilling guide on the same website.  I haven’t read through it yet but it looks to have some useful info.

A few thoughts on friendship

This picture is the only one I had readily available of my groomsmen and I from the wedding.  It is a bad ripoff of a ska cover but it will have to do.

By some strange coincidence both of my parents are moving in the span of a week this month.  This weekend we’re moving most of my Dad’s stuff and next weekend my brother and I are flying out to Vegas to meet my sister and her husband to help out Mom move from Vegas to Sacramento.  In about an hour I’ll be at my Dad’s helping him move, and three of my friends will be there helping.  Of all the family members involved in the move, I am the only one with friends that will be helping (with the possible exception of my niece’s boyfriend when we get to Sacramento).

This could turn into a very long-winded post so I’ll just keep it short.  I’ve seen a lot of people who, as the years go by, have less and less close friends.  Responsibilities increase, free time and the ability to just hang out decreases.  I think this is “natural” given the kinds of lifestyles we live.  I know I don’t spend very much time with my friends during this stage of my life, and unless I am intentional about it that won’t really change.  I don’t want it to be that way. 

Even at the height of a friendship, when you’re able to hang out all the time, I think it is the rare individual who will show up at his friend’s Dad’s place at 9am to help him move.  The fact that I have multiple friends that are willing to do this speaks volumes about the kind of men they are.  While I will not have particular fun during the task of helping my Dad move, I think I will actually enjoy it because I will be spending time with several of the greatest guys I know.  This goes for my friends as well as my brother and my Dad. 

I know the word “blessing” gets thrown around a lot but I really am genuinely blessed to have these guys in my life.  I’m happy I can look at my wedding pictures and see all those men standing next to me, five years later, are still a big part of my life.  They’re still the kind of friends I know I can call for anything, anytime.  The kind of friends that wouldn’t just help me move but would come to help a family member move.  Not everybody has friends like that at this point in their life and I am very grateful to have them, even as our lives change.  I hope I can say the same thing five, ten, twenty years from now.

Tales of Brotherly Cruelty 2: Action Figures

Cruelty is too strong a word for this story but it wasn’t exactly nice.  Action figures and toy lines generally came with two teams.  Transformers had their Autobots and Decepticons, Go-Bots had Guardians and Renegades, Barnyard Commandos had R.A.M.S. and P.O.R.K.S., MASK had…well…MASK and VENOM…  There were so many awesome toys to be had, but I usually thought one side was better than the other.  Of course Dave and I could not both collect the same team.  So once I decided which team I wanted to collect I made sure Dave collected the other.

I do remember having to sell him on the toys I didn’t want.  With TMNT stuff I had him collect the turtles and secondary characters I didn’t want, but we both had goodguys and badguys.  Dave never really got to choose which toys he would collect.  I made the choices for him.  I would try to convince him that the team I wanted him to collect was good or cool or better.  I don’t know how many time I cajoled him into getting a toy he didn’t really want with his allowance, or to put stuff on his Christmas list that complemented the stuff on my own.

I don’t think he was ever really convinced by my salesmanship, but I think he just decided it would be easier to go along with me so we could just play already.  I made sure I got my way and I would not relent until he gave in and accepted the role I gave him.  If he refused, there was always my favorite punishment/enforcement method: punching him in the shoulder until he gave in.

One Way Ticket to Mars

Here’s the text of a presentation by physicist Paul Davies about one solution to the cost of a human trip to Mars – make it a one way trip.  I’ve always been a science fiction fan, so the concept of humans colonizing other planets is pretty cool for me.  This guys is basically advocating a small group of astronauts head to Mars with no expectation of returning, but with the expectation that they will eventually be joined by other humans who will establish a permanent human settlement on Mars.

The idea sounds intriguing and possibly promising – but all I keep thinking is that the people on Mars will come to see themselves as Martians rather than Earthers and then we’ll have some sort of rebellion on our hands.  When times get tough Economically here we’ll debate cutting funding to the Martian colony, or perhaps giving them less supplies, and they’ll get resentful.  Then they will engineer some kind of Martian super-virus secretly, create some kind of one-way Mars-to-Earth vessel, and unleash biological armageddon on Earth in preparation for a re-conquest.

Alternatively, they will discover the ruins of an ancient civilization and return as our overlords with vastly superior technology.

Or possibly they will be wiped out by aliens on their way to Earth, but their sacrifice will serve as an early warning for us.  But that really would only work if the aliens weren’t too smart and went for the little colony before Earth.

In one possible scenario, the colony will be overtaken by a psychotic who forms a cult and turns it into his or her own kingdom where they kill the heretics and then demand recognition as a sovereign nation.

Perhaps after the colony is established they will be mutated by the sun’s rays in heretofore unknown ways and become a kind of super-race.

The possibilities are endless.  Spaceward ho!

Tales of Brotherly Cruelty 1 : Video Games

The other day I randomly remembered something I did to my brother Dave years ago.  It just popped into my mind, and I thought about what a jerk I was.  I’ve often remarked “I’m glad Dave still likes me” because I did some mean things to him when we were younger.  If I were to psychoanalyze things I could probably find a few things to blame for my actions: stress from our parents’ divorce, being a dork and needing to have dominance over someone, personal insecurity, the fact that we were often stuck together for extended periods of time, etc.  Really though, that’s not very entertaining and those are basically excuses. 

In case you didn’t know, my brother Dave and I are 17 months apart.  I’m a little older than him, though in school I was two grades ahead because of where our birthdays fall.  We have one sister, who is seven years older than me.  This made the two of us de fact best friends and we played together a lot.  In many ways we played out the archetypal roles of big and little brother.

I’m going to do some posts on thing I did to my brother that were pretty messed up.  Some are more messed up than others of course, but hopefully they will entertain you to some degree.

First up – Video Games. 

Dave and I grew up loving to play video games.  We had an Atari as little kids, a Nintendo a bit later (we got that late), a Super Nintendo, and eventually an N64.  We were never really at the cutting edge of video games growing up because we never really had the money to pay exorbitant prices for games.  Still, our parents often stretched their finances too far to get us those video games we wanted on holidays.  While we were often partners in crime in the video game world, both lobbying our parents for favor and games, I definitely found ways to be a jerk to Dave:

 

1. I always got Player One.  Dave wanted to be Player One, but I insisted upon being Player One at all times.  I wanted control of the menu, I wanted to set the options, I wanted to hit “continue” at the end, I wanted the left side of the screen.  I demanded the P1 controller and if I didn’t get it, Dave felt the pain.  This rarely came up because I established my place as P1 early and he usually didn’t fight me on it.

 

1a. I got first pick of characters.  Occasionally we’d play a game,  like TMNT, where you had a choice of more than two characters.  If this were the case, I would always demand first choice.  If I wanted to play as Michaelangelo, Dave could not.  Ever.  I always got first choice.  If he got used to playing a different character and I changed my mind – then he had to get used to playing a different character.  I usually picked my favorites and stuck with them – and I often tried to convince Dave that his guy really was cool so he thought it was his decision and not mine – but if a conflict ever arose I made sure I got to play who I wanted.

2. In co-op games, I had power-up priority.  If there was ever a chance to upgrade your weapon or get a power-up in a co-op game, I had priority.  I wouldn’t hog them all, of course. (It’s important your teammate has upgraded weapons too, after all.)  But in most games there would be some kind of upgrade tree – you could have missiles or spread shots or whatever else – and I always got to choose my tree.  If there were no trees then we would be pretty good about taking turns with the power-ups – but I always tried to make sure I had full advantage of the upgrades, and if there was anything left over for Dave that was fine.

3. In single-player games, Dave had to help me but I may not have helped him.  Mega Man 2 was a single-player game, but if you held down the A button on the second controller, then the person playing the game could “super jump” and would never die if they fell into a pit.  Any time I wanted to play I would make sure Dave held the button down for me.  He had to sit there and watch me play.  If he wanted to do something else he would not be allowed to do so.  Occasionally he realized he held some power because if he took his finger off the button (something he did “accidentally” quite often) my guy would die.  This led to some negotiations (if you hold the button for me I’ll hold it for you) but by and large I made sure if there was some way Dave could help me while I was playing a game I would get him to do it.

4. Dave got the crappy controller. As Big Brother (and Player One), I saw it as my right to have the best controller.  We always seemed to have one good controller and one sub-optimal controller.  Whether it was because a button was sticky or it was some stupid “custom” controller, one was almost always inferior.  I made sure Dave used that one.  Of course I would try to convince him it was better if I could, but in the end it just came down to me demanding my way.

 

5. He could not “cheap” me.  If Dave were beating me at any competitive game I would generally accuse him of “cheaping” me.  This term comes specifically from Street Fighter 2.  He’d jump at me in the air and keep hitting the “short kick” button, which is a really fast strike.  He’d jump up as Ken (I got to play Ryu because I wanted, and he was stuck with Ken) and that freaking knee would come down on me.  I wasn’t good enough to do anything about it most of the time, so whenever he would start “cheaping” me I would warn him.  I’d say:

“Stop cheaping me!  Stop or I’m going to hit you.”

*He continues to beat me.*

“Stop or I’ll hit you!”

*He furiously hits the button, trying to kill my guy before the inevitable occurs.*

*I hit him in the shoulder until he stops.*

 

I’m sure there were other ways I was a jerk to Dave over video games.  I think I remember trying to convince him to ask for a video game I wanted for his birthday so I could get the game.  These are the ones that come most readily to mind.  I have some real fond memories of video games with my brother.  It was practically a tradition for the two of us to ride our bikes to Doorstep Video and rent a video game or two for the weekend on Fridays.  We had lots of fun playing games together, like Contra or Guerilla War (so much fun) or one of the countless games where you fly a plane and blow up everything on the screen.  Oh yeah, and Double Dragon, that game was awesome too.  Lots of good memories – but man, I was a jerk!

Big English Test

Things have been fairly busy of late, hence my lack of updating this blog.  I’m currently trying to expend any extra mental energy I have in preparation for the English CSET.  It’s a big several-hours-long test (or rather, collection of 4 tests) I’m taking to prove subject matter competence in English.  With that, I’ll be able to teach both English and Social Science in High School.  This should increase my employability, as I’ll be able to teach a wider variety of classes.

English has always been a strong subject for me because I’ve always enjoyed reading.  I also tend to enjoy being pedantic, so you’d think this test would be easy for me.  As it stands I’m not too worried about two of the tests.  They will require a bit of brushing up but for the most part I should be able to write my way through them.  One of the tests is entirely multiple choice and it covers grammar and linguistics.  As far as grammar is concerned I generally know what sounds right but have a hard time explaining what past perfect progressive tense is or what a participle phrase is.  Linguistics are almost completely new to me as an area of study deeper than the occasional pop science article.

So back to studying.

FYI - “past perfect progressive tense” is used when you are trying to indicate an ongoing event that was completed in the past prior to some other event.  For example, “I had been anticipating a Social Science job until I learned they were slightly less in demand than baristas.”

And yes I had to consult my notes to remind me what past perfect progressive tense is.

Stupid Things “Christian” Kids Say

Today at lunch I was sitting in class listening to the Gay Straight Alliance meeting.  They were a bit upset because the club apparently has some lack of direction so they got to discussing what they see as some of the biggest issues on campus they could try to address.  I paid extra attention to listen to what they brought up and the results were unsurprising but disappointing nonetheless.

The first girl to speak said she was having some trouble with something her best friend said.  She was vague at first about what her friend had said and just remarked that she wished her friend would have worded it differently.  The club president pushed a bit to hear what exactly her friend had said.  The girl started with “Well, she’s very religious, Christian.”  The response was a chorus of understanding “ooohhhhs” and an “enough said.”

When pressed further she revealed that her Christian friend said “why should I care about homosexuals when they’re all going to burn in hell anyway?”

Who the crap is raising their kids to talk this way?  The next thing the girl said about her friend sounded a lot more like something you’d hear out of Jesus’ mouth than what the supposedly Christian kid said:

“It’s okay if she believes something different.  I mean, I don’t like it but I need to accept that about her and be her friend.  That’s what this club is about – acceptance.  So I know I need to accept her.  I just wish she would have used different words.”

I know I butcher the message of Jesus in my daily life plenty to others and I do plenty of harm to the gospel with my actions.  I can sit in judgment of no one.  But I think the first girl is closer to the heart of Jesus than the one who wears the Christian label. 

How sad that a club trying to stand up for a group that often gets made fun of and ostracized has this experience with Christians.  How sad that we followers of Christ are not known for our love but instead for our hatreds.

Sermon / Podcast Recommendation

This won’t be useful to many of you but some of you should appreciate it.  I’m always on the lookout for good podcasts to listen to while I’m driving or working out.  Many churches are now podcasting their sermons.  I wanted to recommend one particular sermon podcast to those of you who might benefit from such a thing – that of the Village Church in Texas.  Matt Chandler is their lead pastor and the guy who preaches most of the time, but I’ve heard one sermon from another guy and enjoyed what he had to say too.

They’re a Reformed church and I’m not Reformed (that means they believe in Predestination and are Calvinist) but I still greatly enjoy the preaching and think it is some of the best I’ve heard.  The focus on God’s grace, preaching the Gospel, and the lack of moralism is awesome.  It enriches me and if you’re looking for something worthwhile to listen to on your mp3 player give it a try. 

Following this link will take you to the Sermons page where you can download them individually, subscribe to the podcast, and even get study guides related to each of the sermons.  If you do a search in the iTunes store for “The Village Podcast” or “Matt Chandler The Village” you should find the podcast and be able to subscribe to it.

Check out this Birth Control Book

I was just alerted to the presence of this book on birth control, available at Amazon.  The entire title is: BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!  Yes, it is in caps.  Yes, the two exclamation points are part of the title.  And in case you are wondering: yes, this book was inspired by the Holy Spirit.  The author said so.  She uses Bible verses so you know everything she says is legit.  In addition, the book itself is written in all caps.    You need to read it.  You can get it here.

Living the Dream

I just thought I’d post a little update since Janelle and I have been pretty scarce lately in our social circles.  The second semester is in full swing now and our schedule has hit full tilt as well.  Janelle is working full-time as a 3rd grade teacher and is a full-time student finishing her Master’s.  I’m student teaching, which means I am essentially working full-time for no pay (though my master teacher is great about getting me opportunities to fill in here and there as a sub for some pay) and I am also a full-time student. 

I am taking this week off to let my body recover a bit, but have been getting up at 4:40 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to work out.  Every morning I need to leave for work by 7 and Janelle by 8.  Most of the time I pick Belle up right after work and Janelle gets home around 5:30ish.  We eat dinner, play with Belle and put her to bed around 8ish.  Whenever we can, we cram in things like grading papers and lesson planning and getting our own schoolwork done.

It seems like we’ve all been sick the past couple of months pretty consistently, which has made us a bit more tired at the end of the day.  Yesterday and today have been the worst for me, but I think I’m starting to get better.

Some Saturdays I attend class for the first half of the day, and every Sunday we’re part of South Bay Church, a new church start.  I show up there at 7 to help with setup and leave around 1:30 when we’re all packed up.

Our schedules are jam-packed and we feel like we’re running in survival mode.  I think part of the reason we are sick is because we’ve sort of run ourselves into the ground.

It may sound like I’m complaining…and I may be.  This is also a world where busyness is considered by many as some kind of badge of honor.  We often try to one-up each other with how little sleep we got or how busy we are.  There’s probably some of that in this post as well.  I’d like to think, though, that I’m also posting this just to keep you updated on what’s going on with us and why you aren’t seeing too much of us lately.  We know this pace isn’t healthy but we also know it’s just for a season.

Come July we will both have finished our credential programs, Janelle will have finished her Master’s, I will have four classes left to complete mine, and we will have the summer to recover and look for work in the Fall.  The job market for teachers isn’t too hot this year but we are optimistic and know God will continue to provide one way or another.  It is a cliche thing to say but God really has provided for us in some pretty amazing ways since we’ve gotten married and He continues to do so.  We are pushing hard right now because we believe in the long run we are setting ourselves up to be able to live the kinds of lives we want and that God made us to live.

I recently made the mistake of complaining to a friend about my busy schedule and lack of time to myself and he said this to me: “you’re the one that fell in love and got married and started a family.”  Some days I have to remind myself in the midst of my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual exhaustion: I really am living the dream.  I have a great wife and daughter, awesome family and friends, a good education, good health, and live more comfortably than 99 percent of the people who have ever lived on this planet.

So who am I to complain?

I’m Jackson, that’s who!

Osteen and Pork

Yikes. At first I thought for sure he was joking but sadly it doesn't sound like it. Let this be Exhibit A that simply reading the Bible with good intentions and bad hermeneutics can lead to all sorts of whack.

Lincoln's Fart Joke

It may surprise you to learn that Abraham Lincoln, widely regarded as one of the best, if not the best, Presidents in American History, was a big fan of crude humor. He was also apparently a good storyteller - it was said he "could make a cat laugh." I heard this joke of his re-told today and it brought me to tears. Apparently it's not close to the crudest he told (one contemporary referred to him as "possibly the most obscene individual ever"), but it is, in my estimation, gut-bustingly hilarious:

There was a party once, not far from Springfield, and among the crowd was one of those men who had audacity. Cheeky, quick-witted, never off guard on any occasion. The audacious man, chosen to be the carver of the turkey at the dinner table, whetted his great carving knife and got down to business carving the bird. The man of audacity expended too much force and let a fart, a loud fart, so that all the people heard it distinctly. It shocked all.

A deep silence reigned.

However, the audacious man was entirely self-possessed. He pulled off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, spat on his hands, whetted the carving knife again, never cracking a smile or moving a muscle on his face. It became a wonder in the minds of all the men and women how the fellow was to get out of his dilemma. He squared himself and said loudly and distinctly, “Now, by God, I’ll see if I can’t cut up this turkey without farting!”

If you don't think that's funny I really don't know what to tell you. And if you don't think I'm going to share this joke with every single history class I teach from now on you don't know me very well.